How to be a Better Mom: Put Yourself First

*Please note: This video is not therapy or a substitute for therapy.

Moms, you have this amazing way of always taking care of others. You’re like a superhero with all the caretaking you do. But you’re sometimes so wrapped up in it, that you wait until a day like Mother’s Day to do anything nice for yourself. On these days, you might allow yourself to sleep in or go to the salon or the spa. The problem with this is that you try to cram a year’s worth of rest into 24 hours. That’s tough and, not to mention, impossible.

Moms, if you recognized that you need and deserve time for yourself throughout each week, to restore and care for yourself, then you wouldn’t feel so desperate to fit it all in on those special days.

What is self-care?

Oxford dictionary defines self-care as “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health”. I, too, like to think of self-care as a means of self-preservation. It’s about taking reasonable and preventative measures to keep yourself feeling mentally well…mentally sane, if you will. Some people make excuses for not doing self-care by calling it “selfish.” I’m going to prove to you today how very wrong they are.

Why is self-care important?

There’s a saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. It means that you can’t give out what you don’t have.

If you haven’t noticed, I am a visual person – I learn AND teach using visual scenarios.

So think of it like this…

A car can’t go anywhere without gas in the tank. So, naturally, when we notice that it’s running low on fuel, we fill up, right? But have you ever been really low on gas, that even when the gas gauge hits E, it will still keep going for a few more miles? It’s running on fumes, but it’s moving.

Also, you may not know this, but there’s a bit of gunk that collects at the bottom of the gas tank. The cleaner, more efficient gas is above that. And when the car gets low on fuel, the particles and crap at the bottom of the tank make their way into the fuel pump and start to clog up the fuel filter. The pump has to work extra hard to keep the vehicle moving. So on the outside, everything seems to be just fine. You’re still moving along. But on the inside, the car is actually being damaged. And if you do that often enough, the car will start to fail and you’ll soon have your car at the shop, paying big bucks for repairs.

You are the car, mamas.

You do this all too often. You push past your E line, run on fumes, and clog up the innerworkings of your mental health and emotional wellbeing. You’re setting yourself up for a big fall.

You get where I am going with this?

What counts as self-care?

I like to tell my clients that self-care can be a lot of different things. And it’s different for everyone. But it should be intentional. I mean, we generally tend to think of things that bring us joy or rejuvenates us somehow. But sometimes it’s the daily tasks that we can even consider self-care.

Let me explain.

Sometimes, the things that we like to do can serve as self-care:

Hobbies – Doing things that you enjoy is a great way to take a break from it all. There are so many to choose from with this one, so pick one that suits you. Some ideas are playing an instrument, painting/crafting, walking, playing sports, spending time with friends, seeing a movie, journaling, reading…the list goes on.

Pampering – This one is a favorite. Getting your nails or hair done, or going to the spa for a massage are great ways to rejuvenate.

Sometimes, it’s the things that we need to do for ourselves that provides us with self-care:

Having boundaries – I discussed this last week. When you have boundaries, you leave room for yourself to keep your own space. As I explained then, boundaries help you with self-preservation. This could mean boundaries with people, boundaries with social media, or boundaries with time. Any variety of things, really. Blocking off time in your week for self-care is a great idea. It will also help you to start seeing the value in it.

Acts of Daily Living – Things like taking medications/vitamins, sleeping, showering, eating, and exercising are all self-care. Being mindful of and giving yourself and your body the things it needs for survival is important.

Tasks and Chores – Believe it or not, getting daily or weekly tasks done can serve to care for yourself. For instance, do you ever wonder why your mood shifts when your spaces are cluttered? For many people, clutter can interrupt your sense of well-being. Living in a disorganized space can actually impede your ability to think clearly and feel calm.

But be careful with this one, ladies.

Don’t get carried away thinking I am telling you that all of your self-care can be funneled into cleaning or doing things that are productive. That’s not my point. It’s a combination of the things that we like and the things that we need that will create the most inner balance and a better sense of emotional stability.

Self-care is not overdoing it just to feel a sense of accomplishment. Self-care is not making sure that everyone else’s needs are met before yours are. And self-care is not selfish – it’s necessary.

Moms, you cannot pour from an empty cup. You need to take time for yourself to fill back up.

How do I get started?

Start by finding 5 minutes in your day today. Sit and think about the things that you think would be good ways to care for yourself. Don’t overthink this. Just think about things you like to do and things you need. Maybe even write it down in a journal to keep yourself accountable.

Keep an eye on that gas gauge and fill your tank, ladies.

Mamas, it’s time to stop making excuses for overdoing it all the time. You want and need to be working on self-care and if you need some help, click the button below to contact me for a free consultation.